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The Hobbyist
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One thing that rattles me most of the time is this desire to learn something, then spending time to learn it but never applying it. For example I would attend a PT continuing ed on Manual Therapy and sure I’d learn Manual Therapy right there, and imbued with desire to make use of it on patients, I go back to my workplace to....well.... never apply it because it is unnecessary or contraindicated to most of them. Why would you apply Manual Therapy on a recent heart attack patient? So years go by and I forget the whole skill.
This is usually the predicament of people like me who are over-curious about anything and everything yet don’t have sufficient time to indulge in them. What do I do in this case? I try to enjoy the learning while at it. Then I move on, learn other more interesting things, and (this is important) : document what I learned. Documentation is important in a hobby like computer programming and skills like Manual Therapy. Without documenting, everything is forgotten after days, weeks, months and years.
There is so much to learn that keeping abreast or becoming an expert on anything is almost impossible. I feel like living in an Attention Deficit world. Knowledge and information come and go so swiftly that by the time you understood the basics of one thing, another thing springs up somewhere. Wasn’t it wonderful when intellect was new and primitive? When Plato and Socrates had all the time to contemplate about everything around them? Heck, this modern world provides no chance to do that. You work, check emails, facebook, twitter, prepare for work, eat, work, back to gadgets and social networking, watch news, keep up with TV shows, keep up with reading, exercise and by the time you’re done, it is time to sleep to wake up and repeat the whole thing the following day.
I was just talking with my friend about this earlier. I said, people like me can never succeed in our endeavors because we need to work to survive. Gone are the days when amateur artisans got ‘sponsors’, today we call them grants but these are meant for the ones deemed ‘qualified’. I can never be qualified as an artist or scholar or specialist. Heck no. I am always at the beginner’s level. I guess the only solution to that is to be happy doing what I do and define it as a hobby. I don’t want to take hobbies too seriously because that is what they are - hobbies. These are meant to pass the time productively, usually to keep one’s mind occupied, at peace and happy. And that is what my computer programming is all about, my blogging, my reading and exercising.
Life after 50 should no longer be a life of searching. At this age, one must already know his place under the sun, to pursue what he thinks he can realistically accomplish and abandon the ones he cannot. Grappling with things that he likes to do but are too difficult or time consuming to ‘specialize’ in them should be categorized are hobbies. And people have all sorts of hobbies. A hobby however can become destructive when it consumes the person, I know that feeling. An old man still dreaming of writing the greatest poem or novel of all time; an elderly working on a painting that will become a masterpiece someday; a man in his 50s looking for a first marathon win, are examples, and I am not saying those lofty goals are impossible, but know the impact of effort and stress and fatigue that such endeavors entail. Sure you can - if you have the best of health -- pursue any goal but for the majority of humanity, that particular goal for a hobby could mean self-destruction. I say chill out, lower your expectations. You might still accomplish what you want to accomplish but don’t kill yourself over it. That is me talking without the voice of encouragement and motivation and inspiration but I am erring towards the side of realism. There are things we have to accept.
So this is the way it goes as we mature. We enjoy whatever we can enjoy, be good if we can, be great if possible but at the end of the day, we want to live our lives the most natural and graceful way. And be happy.
Twilight Years
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I am now celebrating my twilight years, a natural stage in one man’s life. This is the time I am done with family responsibilities, also the years I should start taking care of myself. I would like to think I prepared myself for this, in fact, I might have over-prepared myself for this. Or did I? Nevertheless it is both pleasant and sad to get into this stage because all my friends are busy either with their own families or with their own struggles, certain to find no time to spend with me. At the same time, I’m quite glad I can sort of limit my social life (because of that) to focus on what is more important to me, like hobbies and tasks I promised myself to complete once given the time. And I am given the time now. Or… do I?
It is important for me to take a proper view of my twilight years. It is unique. I thought wrongly this would be the age when I could make up for the social life I lost in my younger years or the time I thought I should indulge in more lurid and lustful liaisons or the time to be lazy or the time to be treated like a king. Heck, none of those did happen because I did not really want them. I also thought all my kind acts and honorable efforts and charity to family and friends and work clients earlier in life would finally be repaid back (like karma) either by them of by God, heck, none of those did happen as well. Instead I found myself cutting down my working hours because my body is deteriorating one way or another, and I needed to work to save for my retirement and pay for health insurance. Given the cut on my working hours, I projected I’d have a couple extra hours a day to allow me to indulge in my hobbies. Well, that did not pan out as I expected too because I am so damn tired at the end of each day.
I guess I need to be more realistic with my twilight years. I hear of people who made their millions in their 40s so they retired in their early 50s but they mostly were dealing with financials and probably did not have as much responsibilities as I did when I had to help an entire clan of families back home. Also, I have health reasons that require me to keep working or at least moving. I did not expect to end with diabetes but it is here and there is no treatment for this except medication, exercise and dieting. So there goes my wonderfully lazy inactive twilight years.
What really matters in my twilight years? It is this moment of peace.
I know of a man who stole money from another and shamelessly hid himself. I know of a man who begged that someone else support his family because of an exaggerated illness and later claimed all the credit and even cursed the hand that fed him. Some men moved on with their lives feeding their families with lies, deceit and robbery. These types of evil men entered their twilight years without a single remorse or guilt and in fact walked around with a sneer on their faces, gleeful that they were able to successfully pull their tricks on others, and cockily promoted their ‘goodness’ by simply talking. Some businessmen fooled their clients; some holy men stole money from holy coffers; some hid murders; some cheated on their wives; some committed injustice in their world. The world is full of them and I guess some could sleep well at nights despite that.
If I have done a single wrong to my fellowmen, I would probably be deprived of sleep. It is just in my nature. There is harmony in knowing you kept your world fair and square. There is peace in facing this world with clean conscience and leaving it with the least scar and mark and pain and anger among those left behind.
I think I am happy in my twilight years. Today I can walk out my door to Starbucks and drink coffee while reading a good book. I can walk and run distances with fair health and I have intact memory, I can still comprehend complex ideas and problem-solve situations. I still can see the blue sky and feel the sun and tread the ground with bare feet. I can hear children laugh. I can laugh at myself. I can pray and contemplate the beauty of this world. I am no longer sure achieving wealth, fame, power or love from all people around me. I was born with a duty and I had done that duty. In my twilight years, I am peeling off the many layers of wrappers around me, little by little, I am abandoning the things I accumulated because I am traveling light to the world where eternal peace reigns supreme.
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